I am seventeen years old I will be a legal adult in a matter of months, and like every other kid my age I am ready to go but I have no idea where I am going to go when the day comes for me to. My parents dont seem to excited for me to go any were, exspecialy my mom. It feels as if they dont even realize that I am almost eighteen. I hate cliches, and that sentence right there just screams cliche but I dont mean it in the cliche sort of way. Allow me to explain.
We have been renting for about two years now, we have lived in two house in these last two years, one year in each. My parents have decided it is time to buy a house of our own again. So we are now offically on the hunt for the in-budgit "Dream" house.  At every house my moms comments on how easy it would be for us kids to travel back and forth from our jobs and school. My brothers are 18 going on 19, and 14 going 15. sure the youngest is going to be doing a lot of driving back and forth but he is planning on moving out right a way like I want to. And then there is Tucker, the ol wise one, it has always been a joke in the family that he wouldnt move out of the house intell he is like forty and then only in to a house right next door. But you never now I can see him suprising everyone and moving out the same summer he graduates high school.  So it kinda bothers me that she says that it feels as if she is trying to make us stay.
She is really pushing for me to do nursing, and  I am trying to stay open minded about it but every time she talks about it she says that if I do nursing I can stay at home and do my schooling in Ontairio which is only like twenty minutes away. She wants to start up a little busness with me so maybe If it brings in enough money I would even have to work. I feel bad complaning like this because I love my mom to death and I now that she means well and that it is just naturell for parents to want to keep there kids close. But I feel cripled.
I am almost eighteen and I have never had a real job, I do not have my licence, I never go hang out with friend out of school except for at football or basketball games, which dont count because I probly wont be at those if my brother didnt play. So I have no life, and I now it. I have dug myself in to a hole, every one sees me as a quiet person who keeps to her small group of friend and loves to read, at times that includes my family. I am stuck in that hole I created and I dont have the guts to just step out of it. I have exsepted that that is who I may be for now but I am going to recreate myself as soon as I am free. When I have my own place that I can run around in my underware if I wanted to.The abilaty to say yes or no, to if cumit myself to anything and to not have to worry about any one else has to say about it.  The little things I truly beleive will make the biggest differents.....................................................I wrote that upper half a couple of months ago and at times I still feel that way, but for the most part my feeling s have changed. My emotions are a lot more up and down right now, and I keep telling my self it will pass I just have to stick it out, this is something everyonen goes through at my age. That hasnt been helping much but reading this has. It hasnt been that long ago that I wrote the stuff above but my feelings have changed in that time most of that stuff doesnt matter as much any more. (I still do want to run around in my underware when ever I want though.) I feel much beter.

Finally almost done with school for the year I am way exsited. Just one more year after this and I am free, free at last. I have some big plans for this summer. I am going to start living more in the here and now and less in the future. I am going to quit daydreaming and start making my dreams come true. Life is short and I am reminded of that more and more as I get older. Two 15 year old boys that I went to school with where killed in a car reck a couple weeks ago. One of the boys had lost his older brother not 6 monthes earlier. There parents lost both of there childern in a matter of months. That is a terrifing thought to me I have always been afraid of losing the ones I love most. I have not had to deal with death directly yet in my life and I never want to but I now it is a part of life. So I try never to let some one I love leave thinking that I am bad at them or any thing that They or my self may regret if something was to happen.
I have heard that some people dont say good bye because they want to believe that they will always come back. I dont under stand that. I think if a person should live like it was there last day so they should always say good bye with love. I dont see how a person would be able to bare the thought of not being able to say that. I am scared of that happening, I try my best but I dont always manich it.
I remember once when I was really little I forgot to give my dad a kiss good night, I was really upset. At that time I always said good night with a kiss. But when I realized I hadnt that night I started to cry. My parents where already asleep and I new I should wake them up. I didnt now what to do. My older brother was ther and I was so worked up that I woke him up. He sat up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me to go back to sleep.
I dont now if he remembers that or if it is really a memory or just a dream but it is somethingI will remember forever. I love my family with all my heart if any thing was ever to happen to me I want them all to now that.

Mirror mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall why do you say I look so fat?

Mirror mirror on the wall why do you say my skin isnt as clear as the rest?

Mirror mirror on the wall why are you telling me I'm not as beautiful as them?

Mirror mirror on the wall ow how you lie, for I am just as good as the rest.

If not better, cause I now I am happy as I am, unlike some of them.

So mirror mirrow on the wall I am now telling you how wrong you are.